This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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