I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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