That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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