But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
