is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
