did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
