Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
