Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
