I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
