Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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