I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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