you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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