but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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