Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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