Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
