The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You are a genius and a whore.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
