ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
