What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
