I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
