i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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