Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
