i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
