Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just invented taco cereal.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
