How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
