know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
