Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
