i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
