Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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