He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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