Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
