He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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