i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
