I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I want a musical about memes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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