People in love make me want to vomit
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
