i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i out mim tonsoeep
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
