Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
