I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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