I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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