Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
