if you like me you must not know who I am
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
