God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
