i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
