I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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