I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
