I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
