This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
