soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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