chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
