you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We were destined to go to rehab together
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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