i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
