I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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