How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
